I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
