today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
