the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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