my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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