I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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