He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
