You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
