yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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