Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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