I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
