Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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