True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
