Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
