Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
