He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Fuck appropriateness.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
