Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
