Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
