Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
