So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
