We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
