Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
