YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
