He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
