I want to make a zoo with you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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