To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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