I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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