I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
