she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
