my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think weed is turning my hair brown
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
