Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
