I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
