dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
