We named our party play list daddy issues
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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