dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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