I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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