My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
