I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
