they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
