I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
