We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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