Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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