i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
