I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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