Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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