I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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