This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
