Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Houston, we have a blender
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
