You smell like stripper and shame
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
