so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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