New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
