Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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