In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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