Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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