He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
