Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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