youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
