I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
is that a dick in a sweater?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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