I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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